que sera, sera
5:08 p.m. - 06.08.04
greetings diarylanders..........
yes it has been a while but lets no one act surprised as we know how bean is and always will be the queen of procrastinators......
i am the anti-role model...
and dont u forget it....
but alas, i am finally in front of my computer after not having checked in for quite some time.....
after having introduced a few new personailties in this body I now refer to as "sybil"... or is that "cybil"?
hell, at this point it can be both....
I suppose to start this update I shall conjure up a story which involves myself now being involved with a country boy....... a good ol crazy fool who I believe was a cowboy in another life....
... or at least wishes he were....
its a serious relationship ... although I have yet to define what "serious" means......
I've cut every other prospect out of my life.......
oddly enough it was not for my country boy...... rather.... for my own sanity......
one had potential stalker written all over him........
another dreamt of leaving his job as Target security to pursue the wonderous world of managing a strip club....
.. far be it for me to pass judgement on anyone (as if its ever stopped me before) but thats not exactly my idea of what a family man entails....
and lastly, the "First Love" situation has fizzled out and has left me with a slightly bitter taste in my mouth.......
I was told a few weeks ago that love was a chemical imbalance.....
naturally a comment such as this could only come from a man...
.... or perhaps a woman scourned...
(just kidding fellas.. i know not every man would say such a thing)
but alas... not everyones first love comes back into their lives only to prove that years of thinking you knew what "true love" really meant was entirely just a figment of the imagination...
He was held on the highest pedestal because I felt he belonged closer to heaven than the rest of the world......
and for 7 years he was out of my life... yet for 7 years nobody ever achieved the same status...
and after 7 years I've come to find out the man falls short of anything Godly..... he's made of flesh and blood... as are we all...
.... its a rude awakening to say the least.... the kind which makes you believe perhaps love is a fading imbalance....
.. i'll be damned if it isn't one hell of a high though....
not to say i'm currently on such a high... i'm not prepared for the after effects at the moment...
i'm merely enjoying the company I have with an honest decent caring man.... Perhaps its the generic brand name of the love drug... it gives you just enough to feel... but not quite enough to hallucinate....
.... que sera, sera....
I'd promise to update more often, but at this point, would any of you truly believe me???
..... i promise to update more often
Now if you'll excuse me, theres a Mr. Digiorno at the door and he's ready to satisfy my every hunger with his tantalizingly delicious sausage.......
with cheese and mushrooms of course :)