when it rains, it pours
11:42 a.m. - 23.05.04
When I was 18 I fell in love for the first time.
We were young, innocent, and naive... the feelings were all new and perfect,
and i was a girl who believed in romance.... believed in soulmates and the beauty of everlasting love....
unfortuneatly we parted our own ways, my world shattered, and that dreamy star eyed girl hid... i met other men and though she'd once in a while peek out, she was never quite always present... nobody compared to the man who stole her heart..
twice within the next two years I tried to get back in touch with him but after finding him, he seemed friendly though disinterested and we lost touch again...
I finally learned it was time to move on and move on i did... the dreamy star eyed girl had died.
Over the years I've come to accept the fact that it was all just the sincerest form of puppy love.... does anyone ever really relive that same feeling as their first love? I seem to doubt it...
I no longer compare relationships to what I had with this man. I'm past that point and have grown. I've relearned how to love though it was never the same-- and because of that I believe i've become jaded.
I've become the Bean. The woman who still believes in love... but never everlasting love. I've abandoned the idea of unconditional love..... the romance..... the entire fairy tale 'happily-ever-after' ending.....
and I was ok with it....
... i dated, got my heart broken, broke a few hearts of my own and am now seeing two men that have decent potential in becoming a part of my life.
They have their pros and cons; I have my reservations about each of them but we're still in the beginning stages and I'm keeping an open mind....
... finally things are going the way they should. I'm not rushing into anything, not making empty promises and keeping things on an honest level with them both. Neither are pressuring me for a decision and are willing to "wait"...
So why then, when things are going by the book does my phone ring Friday night and throw me off course entirely?
... the one that got away has found his way back.... and wants to rekindle what might have been had we not been so naive and silly as teenagers....
it's been 7 years ... we've both changed but talking it seemed as though we'd never lost touch....
I've closed that part of my life and to reopen it would take time.... but is it time deserved? is it fair to even allow him into my life?
should i even be questioning it??
When I get rich I'm going to hire someone to make my decisions for me....
that way I'll have someone to blame - other than myself -when shit don't go right....
.. and for now i'll start the bid at 500 bux..... tell me what to do, which guy to choose, what i tell the other two and your check is in the mail....
disclaimer: offer for 500 bux is valid only within the planets outside of earth.