runaway
1:34 p.m. - 04.01.04
Never fear, Bean is here!
haha... theres something you'll never hear on television....
Alas, we are on the first few pages of a New Year.... Happy Belated New Year to one and all...
my resolutions have thus included to keep in better touch with myself --
(on non-physical terms that is) -- although, now that I mention it... perhaps a little....
well, nevermind...
this of course means keeping in better touch with diaryland...
I cant really seem to think of anything life altering that has happened within the past two to three months....
the one realization i seem to have stumbled upon is that Bean needs to excuse herself soon from this city she lives in....
.. now I know many of you are thinking: "Bean... how could you speaketh so about the windy city?"
Well, by no means am I referring to chicago itself - if I had my way I'd live in the heart of the city be it a beautiful loft or a rustic garbage can -- so long as it was in the heart of it all...
... no... bean refers to the city she's actually in outside of chicago - the city that involves half a million small factories which as a child Bean would refer to as "Cloud Factories"...
... it wasnt until I noticed these clouds were in shades ranging from gray to black in which I questioned my parents and learned I am pretty much now immune to anything after breathing this air for 25 years.
But alas, this city is weighing me down. It thrives on negativity... nobodys happy unless theyre complaining... men are either ghetto hoodrats, arrogant meatheads, or close minded haters....
come to think of it the women dont stray too far from the same descriptions.
Bean needs a world of diversity... bean needs the culture, bean needs serenity, bean needs open mindedness.... and yet at the same time she'd like to know around the corner lies creativity, funk, the night life....
i want it all.... and i want it in the palm of my hands... the push of a button....
or i want to at least know the options are there.
But mainly.. i want to run from this city before it swallows me whole and transforms me into one of "them"....
.. which isn't to say I'm the epitome of optimism... but to be that empty inside is an ugly, ugly thing...
This will most likely be a year where I will scrimp and save every penny possible to make my getaway....
... if you'd like to donate please let me know so I can tell you how insane I believe you to be for giving a complete stranger anything other than words of advice, words of encouragement or perhaps a little casual sex....
(hey, it tends to lift MY spirits)
hah.. just kidding folks... just kidding....
(unless your rich and stunningly handsome with an extremely chiseled body around the ages of 25-34)
~thank you~